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AbBA Absolutely Beth Austin
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Beth Austin's Peculiar Perspective on Life |
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My Speciality is Nasty Letters ©Beth Austin, 2001 Before you read any further, let me define what I mean by 'nasty' in this context. If you're looking for no-fail ways to put people down or insult them, read no further. I don't do those kinds of letters. A gilt-edged nasty letter is an action letter - one that produces the result you want. If it's composed with rapier-like skill, the recipient won't even be aware that they've been cut until they faint from loss of blood. There are rules to follow in writing a really effective nasty letter. You can be as creative as you want within these rules and that's what makes them such fun to write. Also, a little bit of sweetening (poetic turn of phrase, aphorism, or comic exaggeration) will encourage the recipient to bare their neck for the blade. Er, I mean - to see things your way. Basic rules are as follows:
There are two main reasons for not using profanity in a nasty letter.
Be careful of using implied profanity, eg, s***. It's the same as using the whole word. If you are really at a loss for words to express your anger or frustration, a string of @!#*%#*&@ will get the message across. Be aware of the balance of power It is important to be clear in your own mind whether you are asking or telling when you write a nasty letter. If there is no onus on the recipient to do what you want, you are asking. You may have to take 'no' for an answer. The way to keep your power in this case is to formulate a Plan B. This may be to go to a higher authority or devise an alternate way to achieve your goal. You can always opt to drop the matter. You'll only feel good about doing this if you know you've given it your best shot - so go for it. It's a different story when your recipient has not fulfilled an obligation or if they have otherwise stepped on your toes. In this case you can pull out all the stops, writing your most powerful nasty letters which demand action. While the 'asking' letters are more challenging, the 'telling' ones are more fun. Don't make idle threats The key word here is 'idle.' Never threaten to take action unless you are committed to following through with it. And, before you threaten to take action, be sure that it is legal and possible for you to do so. Stick to the issue at hand All too often nasty letter exchanges devolve into slanging matches. Don't let your recipient draw you into defending yourself against personal attacks and never retaliate with a personal attack on them. The more insidious type of recipient will try to throw a monkey wrench into the works by introducing a side issue. A simple 'that has nothing to do with the matter at hand ' will defuse both these ploys on the part of the recipient to squirm out of responding to your request or demand. State clearly what you want The KISS (Keep it Simple Stupid) principle works well here. Say exactly what it is you want, when you want it, and what you plan to do if you don't get it. Don't waffle. Don't offer alternatives. Make sure your recipient cannot misinterpret your intent. Make them come up with alternate solutions if the one you want isn't workable. Keeping it simple does not mean leaving anything to chance. Be concise and at the same time complete and specific. As an exercise in stating clearly what you want, look at the offer I've posted below and tell me if I've left any loopholes for a respondent to slip through and hoist me on my own petard. * * * * * * * Nasty Letter Critique Service Beth Austin is please to offer this service to critique your nasty letters for impact, appropriateness, and degree of effectiveness.
Contact Beth via email for further information and instructions for forwarding payment. Confidentiality is guaranteed. Results are up to submitter.
Read my article, Changing No to Yes, to see how a series of 'asking' letters convinced a major bank to make an exception to their policy on my behalf.
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